Looking down at the still water, I pull out a penny from my worn and tattered jeans.  Glancing down at the copper piece I close my eyes, make a wish, and flip it into the still glass-like pool.  The coin plunges through the surface and sinks to the bottom while the serene water above forms into waves and spreads throughout the pool.

The pool is how I feel about everything right now.  I want to be calm, to take my time, and get done the things I set to do.  Every time I finish something or I don’t (or can’t) get my goal for a story complete, I beat myself up pretty bad over it.  The waves breaking up the quiet still of the pool are my doubts.  I have doubts about me, doubts about my work, and doubts about if anyone one day will really care.  Sometimes I go back and read through something in a book and I’m amazed somebody liked it, I mean really liked it enough to publish it.

I don’t know why I feel that way, I really don’t.  Why do I have such self-doubt?  I have a nice shelf with the books I’m in, I have a nice little blog that a few people visit, and I have a bright future according to some, but why I can’t I just enjoy it? 

I write for myself and tell the tales I like to read.  If other people like them, that’s great (I demand at least token payment, or a contrib copy, or a nice discount on copies – no ‘for the love of’ projects that give you zilch – why should a publisher get the $$$ while an author gets zero).  I guess all I’m saying is maybe deep down in the dark reaches of my soul…I do what some recognition, some kudos.  I feel like as a new author trying to stand on my own two feet, I am fighting for a little respect.

Ok, I’m done with that for now.  The site will be going over to a regular website domain in the near future, I have the cover art for The Blue, the Grey, and the Scarlet below, and I will be adding book reviews into the regular rotation.  The copy for the first book review is on the way and once I read it, I’ll tell you about it.  The plans for the book signing are under way and it will be this fall.  More details later as plans get hammered out.

Oh yeah, the cover art…

 

Well, I have some things to write about and one great secret of a writer’s life just became clear to me.  With that said…

Goodnight…