The Fear of Saying Goodbye

I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to finish this post. My heart is pinned on my sleeve and I am an old emotional soul. Right now, the empty bed beside my desk is killing me. The silence is the worst part; no snores, snorts, or yawns from a sleepy pug.

One of my greatest fears is saying goodbye.

I’ve never been good at it. Are we ever really supposed to be good at it? Think about how empty our lives would be if we could lose loved ones and dear friends without any regrets or feeling the pain of that loss. The pain I feel sucks, but I would never take back the 8 years I had with my special brave little boy.

Cody Frank Abell has a cult following. In every story or book, in the bio, I included a different description of how Cody loved souls and snacks. Since he was always by my side when I sat at the keyboard to write; it became a way to make him a part of my work. Some people loved to see what I would write about him next.

I’m not sure if I can add him to the bio anymore. The next book will probably have his last word and then I’m sure he’ll show up in another way. Maybe he’ll never be gone. Maybe his mention in my work will help keep him alive in my heart. I may not be able to pet him or sit outside at the grill with him again, but he will live on in words for everyone to love as I did.

I’ve shed tears and I’m far from being okay about losing my little furry friend. When I said my final goodbye, I felt a piece of me die inside. Losing a beloved pet is the same as losing a family member. It will be hard, but he would want me to move on. I know he knew he was loved dearly and I know he loved me dearly in return. He had been sick and he is better off playing in the grass on the other side. He is no longer in pain and he’s free to run and be a dog again.

I’m dying inside, but I’m still here and I have to keep his memory alive here too.

codyRest in peace my little buddy. Daddy will always love and miss you…


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