Outside the sun is shining bright, the perfect blue sky isn’t blemished by clouds, and the temp is cooler.  The nights are chilly and the specter of fall hovers over the land.  It is mid-September and the finishing touches on another hot summer are at hand.  Halloween decorations adorn the shops and football fever has once again set in.  I should be happy…but I’m not.

This time of year is usually my Christmas.  I love this time when ghosts and goblins rule the night and I can find nice office decorations at every store I go to.  Sure Christmas is nice, but I love the feel Halloween gives me.  I like being scared.

But not like this…

We have things that we fear.  The dark, spiders, and heights are some of the things many have a rational/irrational fear of.  I write horror fiction and tales of the things that go bump in the night.  I thought I knew all about fear, horror, and being scared.  I thought wrong.  Until now, I found out I’ve never truly tasted fear.  Now, I can say for the first time in my life I am scared to death.  The worst fear one can have is to be out of control of something and it begins to race toward a resolution that will shatter your life and everything you’ve ever had.  The loss of that control is scary.  I’m afraid what can happen if not enough can be done to stem the tide.  I’m afraid that everything in my life will turn upside down.  I’m just afraid. 

I’m not going to elaborate on exactly what the story is right now, but I needed to express what is racing inside my head.  I have tried to keep from dwelling on it, but it is so hard to try to focus on anything when your body is fighting you.  Before I go, I want to warn everyone it’s not the werewolves, zombies, or vampires that will get you.  If you’re not careful, your own body will get you in the end.

Goodnight…